Whiteboard Baby

LYRICS

LET'S WHITEBOARD BABY

(a satirical electronic ode to unproductive collaboration • laid-back groove)

INTRO — Warm synth pads, soft kick, atmospheric haze

Let's whiteboard baby... let's whiteboard baby...

Mmm... let's whiteboard... tonight...

VERSE 1

It's Monday morning... conference room C...

Someone booked a session... for the whole team to see...

The smell of expo markers... hits me at the door...

That chemical aroma... means we're solving nothing for sure...

Grabbed the blue one first... but it's running dry...

Tried the red, the green, the black... they're all about to die...

Found one in the graveyard... the magnetic tray of shame...

Uncapped it, took a sniff... and I was never quite the same...

CHORUS — airy, reverb-drenched vocals

Let's whiteboard baby... [...ooh-ooh]

Draw some boxes maybe... [...oh my]

We'll map it out... we'll figure nothing out today... [...so they say]

Arrows pointing everywhere... but we've lost our way...

Let's whiteboard baby... [...that's what they say]

VERSE 2

I am the man... in the arena now...

Expo dust upon my sleeves... marker streaks across my brow...

My hands are stained with green ink... my soul is running low...

I've drawn the same damn funnel... fourteen times in a row...

Last week we had the answer... boxed it clean and tight...

Wrote "DO NOT ERASE" in caps... underlined it twice...

Came back on Thursday morning... heart was full of hope...

Someone wiped it clean away... now I cannot cope...

CHORUS — building, layered synths

Let's whiteboard baby... [...ooh-ooh]

The best idea's gone maybe... [...oh my]

We'll start from scratch... pretend we're making progress today... [...so they say]

Strategic frameworks everywhere... meaning drifts away...

Let's whiteboard baby... [...that's what they say]

BRIDGE — spoken over swelling pads, slow build

Wait... is that permanent marker?

Oh no... oh no no no...

That's not coming off...

That user journey... lives here now... forever...

The ghost of Q3 planning... haunts this wall...

Someone get the alcohol wipes...

They don't work... they never work...

VERSE 3

Four sticky notes deep... in a brainstorm pile...

Someone's drawing swim lanes... haven't seen those in a while...

We're forty-five minutes in... and nothing's been decided...

But look at all these circles... isn't everyone excited?

The facilitator's losing steam... the energy is gone...

Someone took a photo... of a board we'll never act upon...

It lives now in the cloud... with a thousand other shots...

Of half-erased ambitions... and forgotten connecting dots...

CHORUS — euphoric, cathartic release

Let's whiteboard baby... [...ooh-ooh]

This meeting's gone crazy... [...oh my]

We solved it once... but then erased it all away... [...so they say]

The CFO wants answers... but all we've got is spray...

Let's whiteboard baby... [...that's what they say]

OUTRO — slow decay, ambient wash

Let's whiteboard baby... let's whiteboard baby...

Smell that expo marker... at dawn...

Another session... another wall...

Another box that says... "Do Not Erase"...

...They're gonna erase it... aren't they?

Let's whiteboard... baby...