The Button Parade

INTRO

🎵 THE BUTTON PARADE 🎵

INTRO — synth stabs, theatrical sigh

Oh WONDERFUL

Diane's unmuted

And she's got THOUGHTS

VERSE 1 — fast, vaudeville sneer

We got a product to ship but WAIT FOR IT

Does "Submit" feel AGGRESSIVE? A tad UNFIT?

What about "Go"? Too BRUSQUE, too RUDE

"Proceed" sounds like we're getting SUED

Someone typed "Yep" — just "Yep" — DELIGHTFUL

This is where my SOUL gets stifled

PRE-CHORUS — claps creeping in, mock cheerful

The backlog's WEEPING — *clap clap*

The interns aren't SLEEPING — *clap clap*

But we can't POSSIBLY ship today

Until the CFO's DOG has his SAY

CHORUS — full synth drop, crowd clap-along

IT'S THE BUTTON PARADE! *clap clap*

EVERY CONSONANT GETTING APPRAISED! *clap clap*

THREE HOURS ON "COMMENCE YOUR QUEST"

WHILE THE RUNWAY DISINTEGRATES

VERSE 2 — faster, dripping contempt

"Send" feels THIRSTY, "Done" feels BLEAK

"Confirm" lacks JAZZ, "Begin" lacks MYSTIQUE

Oh SPLENDID someone's screen-sharing a BLOG

About buttons that BARK like an emotional dog

What if it PURRED? What if it SIGHED?

My DOULA does copy on the SIDE

BRIDGE — beat strips, deadpan cabaret

The servers are GRIEVING

The developers are LEAVING

Six engineers changed careers at LUNCH

But BY ALL MEANS

Let's RECONVENE on "Venture Forth"

VERSE 3 — rapid fire, theatrical exhaustion

Is "Get Started" COLONIAL? Is "Join Us" a TRAP?

Can we field test in BRUGES with a HYPNOTIST perhaps?

What if the button just said "OH FINE"?

A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE button — very on BRAND

WAIT what if NO text just INTERPRETIVE SPACE

The user INTUITS — it's a SPIRITUAL EMBRACE

FINAL CHORUS — massive, exhausted triumph

IT'S THE BUTTON PARADE! *clap clap*

EVERY PREPOSITION FLAMBÉED! *clap clap*

LAUNCH PUSHED TO THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR

CUZ MARKETING SUGGESTED "CHARADE"

OUTRO — synths fade, defeated jazz hands

It's Submit.

It was ALWAYS Submit.

It will be Submit when the SUN EXPLODES.

...Diane's making another EXCELLENT point.