Lemme Google That For You

INTRO — spoken

NARRATOR: Welcome to Modern Life Cabaret,

where questions go to wander… and come back again.

ENSEMBLE (whispered): …again… again…

VERSE 1

"Hey—quick question—" (never quick)

"Real fast—" (never is)

"Sorry to bug you—" (it's fine)

"Do you know…" (you do)

…how to do the thing

that's literally the first result

if you just type the words you're saying.

I've got one hand on my phone, coffee tipping espresso,

and your question's asking directions

to the place we're already standing.

PRE-CHORUS

I could walk you through it, step by careful step,

or I could type it once

and let the internet do the rest.

CHORUS — Ensemble

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

I'll send a link with the answer in the preview—

and you'll still ask, "So what do I do?"

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

It's not a burn, it's a life skill, too.

If you can type "hey," you can type the clue:

Lemme Google that for you.

VERSE 2

REQUESTER: Why does my phone say storage full?

And where did my photos go to hide?

YOU (aside): Because the cloud is just someone else's computer

and you never delete screenshots of recipes you won't try.

REQUESTER: Can you just check real quick—maybe show me?

And can we do it right now, low-key?

YOU: Sure—right after I solve:

"How do I rotate a picture,"

"Why won't my TV connect,"

"What time does the store close,"

and "Is there a way to remember passwords without remembering them?"

JESS: Why does my phone keep dimming the screen?

And is "Do Not Disturb" mad at me?

YOU (aside): It's bedtime mode, Jessica. It thinks you're tired. It's right.

MARK: Hey, what does "per my last message" mean?

And why does everyone say it so mean?

YOU (aside): Because we're screaming politely.

LUCY: Is it bad if I ignore the update?

Also—where did my bookmarks migrate?

YOU (aside): They evolved. You didn't.

DAVE: Quick one—what's a PDF?

And can you resend it, but… less PDF?

YOU (aside): That's just a picture, David.

EMMA: My map says "rerouting"—am I lost or is it thinking?

YOU: Both.

PRE-CHORUS — Ensemble

It's in the help box, in the comments, in the top result line,

in the auto-fill suggestion

that appeared while you were mid-sentence asking mine.

CHORUS — Ensemble

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

I'll send a link with the answer in the preview—

and you'll still ask, "So what do I do?"

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

It's not a flex, it's survival, too.

I'm not the search bar you never used:

Lemme Google that for you.

BRIDGE — theatrical

FRIEND (spoken): I looked it up. It was the first thing. With pictures. And arrows. Pointing at the button.

ANOTHER FRIEND (spoken): Did you read it?

YOU (spoken): We all skimmed it.

FINAL CHORUS

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

I'll send the link, you'll say "oh wow,"

then ask it again somehow, someway, right now.

Lemme Google that for you! (for you!)

Not to shame—just to get us through.

Learn the trick and the world opens, too:

Lemme Google that for you.

OUTRO — spoken, fading

If you can say it out loud,

you can type it in.